i dont know how to feel

it puzzles me… what am i supposed to feel?

im afraid ive lost feeling, to anything or anyone.

I feel like… How do you tell yourself to fall out of love? Even after three years a part of me still loves you. this sucks.

BEFORE…

i used to hate myself for not being the person others wanted me to be

or the names people would call me in school.

i actually started believing i was the things they called me.

those words made scars all over my body. any name you could think of.

they hurt, and you never forget, even if you wish you could. they cause permanent damage.

but of course these people didnt know that, or maybe they did.

ill never know.

NOW…

i feel sorry for that girl, the me, back then.

i want to tell her that im here now. with true friends. and i want to tell her

that im sorry. im sorry that i cared too much

about what others thought of me.

and i want to tell her that now…

i could give TWO FUCKS.

im strong willed.positive. and free. something no one can take away from me ever.

why is it only at night when these thoughts creep up all at once?

whenever something good was going on in my life, i always wanted to run and tell my special someone about it. but the only thing was…that he never really cared, or at least it didnt seem like it.

now that things are kind of turning out…im glad that i dont have that eagerness to share my things with any except for my mom and my family of course.

lot of things are changing, im building my character, i like this. its a good change.

was a good day for hair… it really was and i am sooo proud of myself… so very proud.

i even cried. i am cut out to do thiss. like my dad told me yesterday…

“mija, at the beginining its going to be hard and youll feellike you wont even know what you are doing…but things will work out jus tlike they did for me, okay?”

i just remembered…i only had breakfast today… :?